Bakery
by Dlgood
Summary: Complete - Snapshots post BtVS-7, AtS-4. Sunnydale is no more. The Slayer is no longer alone. What now for Buffy?
1. Snapshot 1

**Title**: Bakery  
**Author:** Dlgood  
**Feedback:** dlgood@comcast.net  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are property of Mutant Enemy  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** BtVS up through S7.22 "Chosen", AtS up through 4.22 - "Home"  
**Distribution:** Fanfiction.net,   
**Summary:** The war with the First Evil is over. What will Buffy do now.

_So, now that you're not the only one anymore, what do you really want to do?_

They stood on the highway, staring into the crater that used to be Sunnydale. Whatever they had here, had been pretty much wiped out. They would have to start all over. She looked over at Giles and mentally replayed their first conversation.

_I train. I hunt. I kill the vampires. Yay me! And when it's all over what's left. Not exactly a medal and a book deal._

Not much left at all. Mostly, a crater that used to be home. No more Sunnydale mall. No more Bronze. No more Sun Cinema. No more UC-Sunnydale.

But other things were gone too. Restfield. Shady Rest. Too many crypts to count.

Thank god. No one should ever have to look upon their own grave. But there was also Kendra, Jenny, Tara, and Joyce. Anya's body buried under tons of rubble. More than anyone else, she knew that you carried your grief with you, no matter how far you ran. But it was comforting to have special places to mourn. Where would they mourn now? Of all losses these were the hardest to deal with. It felt so wrong. Plus, a part of her figured they would always be together. Even in death. She'd miss that.

They'd built a cairn to honor the dead. When the aftermath set in, some of the girls sobbed. Others tried to be stoic and keep a calm front. Xander seemed especially subdued. As for her. She'd made her peace with Spike before the battle started, and one moment wouldn't spoil that.

_"We both should be dead by now. So no mourning each other. I'm not going to make you look like an idiot for believing in me, and for not dusting me when you had the chance. Get some rest." _

Finally, she'd gathered up the gang, counted heads, and did an inventory of the wounded. They would need food, clothing, shelter and first aid. But since Buffy came to this apocalypse with every intention of winning and surviving, she was prepared.

_There might be a place we can go. Until we can figure things out._  



	2. Snapshot 2

_I'm sorry I couldn't give you a drawer. But I wanted this to be yours. Ours. You'd have all the drawers you could ever want. _

They spent the first night in the old Mansion. They'd never really gone through all the paperwork Mayor Wilkins left behind. The town was inextricably linked to the Hellmouth - it harnessed energy, attracted demons and power-hungry sorcerers, and drew gullible citizens to feast upon. Whatever they left behind was gone, and everything within the city limits had collapsed with it. But nothing outside the town limits was harmed. The Route 17 Ice Rink. The caves down by the beach. And the Crawford street mansion.

_I never stopped going there. But I had to be careful, because I didn't want them to know. Especially him. There's a part of me I didn't want people to know. I didn't think they could handle it..._

While the girls were complaining about dragging their tired selves into the deserted building, Buffy went straight to the master bedroom.

And while Angel wasn't there to congratulate her or celebrate, he didn't have to be. He'd known she would win, and he knew what it would cost. He'd left thirty suitcases full of women's clothing, and quite a few pieces of luggage for the male contingent as well. There were provisions for at least a week, and enough medical supplies to set up a triage unit. Sleeping bags and blankets were strewn about the great hall.

_"I don't think the clear-out was in the First Evil's plan. Win or lose, there's a good chance that the town won't survive. Just tell me when you can't see Revello anymore..."_

Angel was nothing if not efficient on short notice. She went over to the boxes. Willow and Dawn's computers and schoolbooks. Giles' meager collection. Xander and Andrew's comic and movie collections.

The weapons chest Xander made for her. And some very special packages for Buffy. And her jewelry box. With a new addition.

_Winning doesn't matter if there's nothing left to enjoy. Oh life, how much we've missed you!_  



	3. Snapshot 3

_I belong with the military. You don't. It doesn't mean we can't help each other if we ever need to. _

It took him four hours to call. When your ex-girlfriend's hometown mysteriously blows off the map, you get worried. It only took a few minutes to reach her cell. A few hours to contact his superiors. And a week to get the papers.

_It was the biggest ever, Riley, and I can't handle the aftermath alone. We're talking unintended consequences in a major way. And I could really use your skills and connections._

A mysterious explosion, possibly related to terrorist activity centered around subversive elements in a Southern California town. A highly-classified secret department affiliated with Homeland Security and had access to all manner of specialized training for both body and mind.

It was been her choice to awaken all that power, and she'd remembered how hard handling it was. She'd liked it, but had never really asked for it, and didn't really want it all that much either. But she believed in responsibilities. Something would need to be done for all these girls. And she knew people with the power, resources, and honest desire to help. Who both wanted to show her how much they respected everything she stood for. And still felt guilty about running out of her life, and leaving her to die alone. Life was looking up.

_"I'd like to think we have compatible mission statements, although our methods and jurisdictions are pretty clearly different. to be honest, I don't know how involved we can get. I can try to help, but in the end, this is really your world and I'll have to count on you to keep this from blowing up."_

Buffy's experience blackmailing the Doublemeat Palace, and Willow's files on the supposedly-never-existed Initiative proved extremely handy. After a few tense phone calls, she finally got cooperation from Riley and whomever he worked for to forge a tentative alliance. The girls would need real training and fast, they'd want some idea of where and where not to go, and some assurance that they could keep the new slayers safe from uber-shadowy, cigarette smoking men. Or women.

Riley bristled at working with Angel, but as Buffy pointed out, he was older than the US Government and likely would last just as long, so they might as well get comfortable working together.

_I want you both to talk with each other. It's for the good of the world, and for the good of all these girls. I believe that you both have a lot to contribute, especially if you can make peace. Prove me right._


	4. Snapshot 4

_As a friend, I think you should leave. This is a real opportunity for you. _

She'd been to hell. She'd been to heaven. Both literally, and metaphorically. It only took seven years to get out of California.

By rights, she should have gone to Cleveland. There was a Hellmouth. But it only felt fair to pass that up. Been there – done that. It was time to move on.

_You have the power to do real good, and to make a difference. Never forget the fear you felt when you faced the night without that power. We're all slayers now, but most people aren't. I'm asking you to find your way to fight for them._

She was the first slayer to meet her successors without having to leave the field. They looked to her for guidance and leadership. But it didn't have to sit on her head anymore. At least, not like that. Not right now.

At twenty-two she was both way too young and way too old. Leave it to Willow, her wannabe Jo of a girlfriend, and Rona, who the other girls had apparently taken to calling . After six months of playing Mrs. Garrett and General Patton, she deserved some Buffy time.

So Willow, Kennedy, Rona, and Andrew set up shop above the newest Hellmouth. Giles was to return to England and work with the Devonshire coven to locate the remaining missing slayers and to recover from the decimating blow done to the Council. Wesley would work on the same task from LA. 

_"None of you really like me all that much, and Anya was really the closest I had to a friend, but you guys let me matter. I can be useful. Just helping the girls out so they can help everybody else. I'll do what you want."_

Cleveland would make for the ideal training ground. They would need the largest concentration of slayers there anyway to deal with the Hellmouth. Willow could probably get her way into Case Western or at worst Cleveland State. Whichever watchers Wesley or Giles found would start off operating away from home, so Willow and the Slayers would be able to maintain their independence and advantage. The new watchers would all have to take field rotations, and they'd learn to take place supporting the slayers. When they were deemed ready, they could spread out from there. And with Willow coordinating things, everybody was just a phone call or an e-mail away.

_Sunnydale was the worst, and LA is bad. But there have always been monsters all over the world. We spread out and cover the hotspots. Cast a wide net. But we keep in touch. Nobody's ever alone out there ever again, even when they are.._


	5. Snapshot 5

_Don't just promise to show me the world. Promise yourself to see it. _

They spent two months driving cross-country; the Partridge Family road trip from Hell. Meandering about, rounding up and dropping off the new slayers. Getting to see the Grand Canyon and the Gateway arch. Stopping off in Branson because Anya would have wanted to. Going to Graceland for Xander, and seeing the Liberty Bell with Dawn.

They spent July, sweltering in Quantico, training with Riley's team and getting credentialed.

Taking Giles to a Yankees game. Shopping at Saks for their first Broadway Musical. At least the first that didn't feature them as cast.

Eating clam chowder on the steps of the Old North Church. Of course, by then, Faith and Robin were fighting nearly every day, so it was Buffy's shoulder when Faith walked graveside in South Boston. They talked about Kendra and Merrick and Johanna, and about ice skates and childhood dreams. 

_I made a mistake not telling you about her, and how insecure I felt around her. But how I was better for knowing her. She was so different , but I know you would have been so great for each other. Before Kendra died, she gave me her favorite stake. I think she'd want you to have it now – you've earned it._

A week with Giles in the British Isles. But not Ireland. Never without him

_"That was perhaps the greatest regret I had for you. That in the seven years you'd only had three vacations, and all of them overshadowed by death. Perhaps I should have done this for you sooner. These past months I'd almost forgotten we were watcher and slayer. It seems so clear now how necessary this must be some times."_

Eventually they returned stateside. Some people weren't ready to give up Southern California sun. Xander was back in construction, managing projects for Angel's new business. There was also some discussion of a screenplay he was threatening to write. She suspected he'd finish it just in time for Cordy to awake from her coma and play the starring role.

Dawn was taking junior watcher training from Wesley, and she still had high school. Angel would take care of her. And Xander would be there too, because he was always there for his girls.

_They made you out me, so you know what that really makes us And I'm so proud. I want you to know I'm not abandoning you. I'm giving you the chance to shine on your own. But if you don't call me, and I hear from Angel_


	6. Snapshot 6

_Buffy, you could have a first-rate education. I'm, I'm not suggesting that you ignore your calling, but,   
um you need to look to your future. _

It was a sunny August afternoon when she'd found herself pitched in the sand just past Grant Park. She looked good. She felt good too. And after years of depression, stress, and not enough sleep she was finally getting back to her proper weight. And she'd decided to go back to her natural hair color too. When she'd returned from the grave, she'd sworn it off down to every strand under so much bleach and dye that she'd lost the body and shine and made herself so incredibly jealous of Dawn. Her skin looked healthier too, now that she could indulge herself in some quality bathing. It was nice to feel like she had time to be vain. To do girly stuff. 

It'd been three years since she could think of herself as just a girl.

It'd been three years since she'd even had a chance to tan. Three years since she could wake up in the morning with a smile on her face. Three years since she could look at a course catalog without bursting into tears.

_I got into Northwestern. Again. And this is something for me that I don't wanna pass up. I can't. And I need them to be able to spare me. I'm asking for you for sponsorship. I think I've earned it._

A previous acceptance.  
A three semester transcript far better than anyone suspected.  
A tearful letter detailing her mother's death, her father's absence, and overcoming depression.  
A glowing letter of recommendation for her work as a guidance counselor.  
A commondation letter from a Colonel in the US Military.  


Buffy once promised that she would make things different, and she had. There'd be pressure and work, but it was the sort of pressure and work Buffy was looking forward to. A chance to engage her mind once more, and in a non-slaying capacity. To be like other people and rejoin the world. As Buffy Summers, California girl, instead of Buffy Summers, savior.

Aunt Arlene offered up a room in the suburbs, but in the end, she chose an off-campus apartment just North of the city proper. Just because she wasn't the only sane slayer anymore didn't mean she was going to quit. No way was Buffy inflicting that on an unsuspecting relative.

Plus, Evanston was nice.

_There's boating, and swimming, and parks to run in. Gotta do that while it's still warm. You'll like our coffee shops but the best clubs are downtown. A bunch of us like to go dancing whenever we can, so you're welcome to join us. Always room for another pretty lady at the table._

She couldn't remember the last time she'd made a new friend. For the past few years, Buffy'd been so caught up in slaying, taking care of Dawn, and the the First that she hadn't just gone out and laid back. It never felt like she had the time. And she loved her friends dearly, but it could be stifling. There were so many hurts to take care of and so many people that needed her. People were growing up, and she could let them go take care of themselves now.

_"I miss you every second. But this time away... I think it's good for all of us. Somewhere along the line, I think we all lost who we were, and this is the part where we're getting that back. Knowing that everybody is doing great without me, knowing that you know it too - that's all I ever wanted. The way things were...there was too much pressure. And hey - Chicago. I can get a plane or train to anywhere, on like a moment's notice..."_


	7. Snapshot 7

_"This is good. I mean, this is excellent. People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning."_

Buffy Summers was a busy girl.

On her first go-round, she hadn't known what she was doing in college. She'd discovered that she could do well, and it was exciting, but she'd never had an academic plan. That was Willow's forte.

Things were different now. She'd picked up the counseling bug, even if she'd been too inexperienced and distracted to do much good. She'd also had to really lead, and now had tons of girls looking to her for guidance, even if they were spread out around the world, and were supposed to be able to handle themselves. She wasn't abandoning her place as lead slayer. She was taking a much-needed sabbatical.

She was Buffy Summers - individual studies girl. Military History. Non-profit Management. Abnormal Psychology. Family Studies and Adolescent Development. Swimming twice a week. Working as an on-campus self-defense instructor.

_"I'm not just taking classes for the heck of it - I've got a plan. See, what I want to do most is help people out. Being the slayer is how I found that. I've learned that there's so much more I can do, and so much I still need to learn. Check my slate. If I'd had the time to study this before, I'd have kicked so much more ass. But that's the thing...I've died twice, and lived like there was nothing beyond the next apocalypse, so there wasn't much point. Now, though I'm thinking about how I'd do things if I'm going to live past fifty. All these slayers should..."_

She was Buffy Summers - serious student and future professional. Going to lectures. Meeting professors. She was even auditing an Art Appreciation class and going to the museums.

Things with Dawn had really improved too. Sometimes Buffy still felt so, almost, compelled to get freakishly overprotective, but Dawn was in LA, and Xander and Angel would look after her if she needed it. More importantly, Dawn seemed to have really blossomed once out from under Buffy's shadow. Which was of the good, considering how much Buffy used to complain about Dawn being a baby...

_"I never really knew how to tell you, but Mom would always get so worried for you. Especially when she got sick. We always knew you'd take care of us, but we were both so afraid you wouldn't look after yourself. That's why I worked so hard studying Magic with Tara, learning languages from Giles, and training with the Potentials when you weren't watching. I knew that if you didn't have to worry about me as much, I wouldn't have to worry about you so much either. Okay, so I also felt left out and I wanted everybody to stop looking at me like I was some useless kid, but since we aren't in the same house every day, I want you to remember my more noble motivations. But, mostly just couldn't let you kill yourself again because of me. And I'm not just talking about Glory."_

She was Buffy Summers, slaying the monsters with her trusty scythe-axe-thingy; whatever the heck it was, it worked. She was even starting to pun again, although she was still rustier ... than a big rusty thing.

So if two nights a week, she went dancing downtown with folks from the building, or if she took a night to see a movie, it wasn't a big deal. She'd gone so long without blowing off steam, that well let's say lessons were learned. In any case, she'd re-learned the value of take breaks. She'd earned them. And she needed them.

_"I used to shop in LA, and I dimly recall being good at this. So tell me again, oh Evil Fashion Nazi, what's wrong with these boots. I need every inch I can get, so don't call me 'Princess Impractical' again or I'll show you just how"_  



	8. Snapshot 8

_You and me, girlfriend. The Chosen two!_

Faith was a surprise. She was supposed to go home to Boston, or maybe look after slayers in the Northeast. But she'd discovered after a month that she really couldn't go home again. And she'd broken up with Robin so New York, where he'd become principal and watcher for one of the new slayers, was out.

She had new lease on life, and a full pardon thanks to Jasmine's generosity and power over the Governor of California. And absolutely no clue what to do with it.

They tried assigning her to the Hellmouth in Cleveland, but that didn't work out too well either. They were implementing a new model for Slayer-Watcher teamwork, but Faith didn't really fit in well. The newly minted watchers couldn't earn her respect, the young slayers looked up to her too much to act as equals, and Kennedy kept giving her the evil eye when she suggested working with Willow. Faith was going to go roaming, or perhaps make her way to LA when Andrew brought up the "nobody slays alone" rule.

So Faith packed up and trundled off to Chicago.

_The whole point of being on my own was the independence thing. I've got this really busy schedule filled with stuff I want to do, so I won't be around much. If you can be okay with that, than we can talk trial basis.__ I'm trusting you not to get me kicked out or cost me my deposit. There will be rules, and if you follow them everything will be peachy keen. So. Good to see you too. Wanna go kill something?_  


And busy beaver Buffy needed to find Faith something to do. College was pretty much out, even if Faith hadn't gotten her G.E.D. while still in prison. So, on Buffy's insistence, her new roommate signed up at the Technical Institute and took a job working in a body shop. She spared a brief thought, wondering where Pike was, and if he had his own business by now. Given Buffy's past experiences, and driving record, having someone mechanically inclined around was an absolute necessity. But that was the drill - Faith had to have her own stuff going on, because Buffy was tired of having to take care of people all the time.

_"That's what I do right? Get lost and go looking for Buffy. But I think prison changed me. You have to make friends to get through, and you have schedules and work. I can take care of myself a lot better now. I just thought, maybe we could have some fun, and this might be good. Anyway, just think of me as being here to help. It's kind of an ex-con, rehab thing...no, Al-Anon because of my mother...anyway, we can cover more ground and back each other up. Plus that wardrobe, B? No way in hell are you survivng a real Chicago winter without some outside assistance..."_

On a certain level, it made sense. There were at least fifty slayers now. They were supposed to be equals. And they were. Except for Buffy and Faith. The rest were just teenagers, and they'd never had to carry the loneliness and burden the way The Two did. None of them would ever know each other like Buffy and Faith. The kind of understanding and kinship gained in five or so fights to the death, and from living in the other person's skin.

It was only right that they fight side-by-side.

Plus, new and improved Faith was actually a pretty decent roommie. Prison had apparently instilled some manners and self-discipline. It'd also helped her get a better sense of herself. It was pretty clear early on that Faith was going to be about as comfortable hanging around campus as she would have been in Cambridge. But unlike her time in Sunnydale, Faith had managed to find a set of her own friends, who - while admittedly from a different background than Buffy was used to - were pretty decent folk.

Buffy had her book groups with the wine-and-cheese crowd; Faith had the guys over for Bears 'n' beer. Carolyn from down the hall, started calling them Felix and Oscar and it stuck pretty quick. But other times, they would stay up after patrol to watch old Hong Kong chop socky movies on the International Channel.

_It's cool having you around. It helps that you weren't in Sunnydale for the worst of the drama. And there's that part where I can live with myself for taking nights off, enough sleep time to function during the day, a real sparring partner, and the quality first aid. Plus Midwestern humour - totally different, so you are much appreciated on that score too. Things should have been like this between us the first time. But jeez, get your own damned popcorn!_


	9. Snippets of Girl Talk

"Isn't this like sacred duty or something." 

"This is not what I signed on for when I let you move in."

"I need you for backup, B."

"You set me up!"

"It's not a marriage proposal. It's a double date, and you're coming as my wingman."

"Since when did you need one of those?"

"Since some people started lecturing me on adjusting to society. See, I didn't have the cool mom, or a stable dad, or a stack of Cosmo's. You - cheerleader Barbie; - me tomboy tough chick. I suck at this girly stuff. You're helping me out. I'll owe you one."

"Do I at least know these guys?"

"I fixed Eddie's car. He came over for the Vikings game."

"Wait. Personal Trainer Eddie? Ooh - he's all tall, dark and hunky"

"We're going to Lawry's on Rush Street for Dinner. And maybe some dancing in one of the clubs off the Mile."

"All right, so I'll go with. You don't have any dresses, so we'll need to take you shopping first. And I know exactly what we need to do with your hair. Ooh - this is so cool So who's my date, anyway?"

"He set you up with his buddy Sergei."

"Sergei? Sergei the Russian hockey player!"

"Hey. Sergei is quite the muffin."

"But doesn't he only speak, like, ten words of English? I've been on one date in the past three years, and this is how you start me off. And a hockey player?"

"Chill out B. First - off. You don't have to hook up with the guy, just help me along with Eddie. Second - he still has all his teeth. Third - hockey. Think of it like figure skating, only with more violence. Plus he's Russian, so maybe he's into all that frilly ballerina crap you like so much. It'll be fine"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Of course you scored higher than me on that test. I was out all night beforehand saving the world from unspeakable monsters."

"That's because you didn't have Angel and Xander barricading you into your bedroom."

"Yes. And when you receive your high school diploma, not only will you get into whatever college you wish, you'll probably get scholarship money too. And you will thank them for being so unspeakably cruel."

"Right. And you'll name your firstborn Snyder. I'm still planning on going to Cal-Berkeley, and not just because Vi is gonna go there. It's fabulous and I can stay instate. Unli ke some big sisters who run half-way across the country to go to expensive private schools."

"You hush. Thanksgiving break's not so far away. You'll see me then."

"What's the plan for that."

"I'm discussing it with Angel. I want to get as many of us back as possible, and do a big Thanksgiving dinner. He still has that hotel with the surplus rooms and the Giant kitchen. We can have a private thing on Thursday, and on Friday we can bring in as many of the new slayers and watchers and what have you together as can make it. It can be a big tradition thing."

"That sounds like something Mom would want us to do."

"Thought so too."

"I miss her so much Buffy. Did I tell you that I saw dad?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Angel looked him up for me, and we talked a little. I didn't explain about the slayer stuff - just told him that Angel and Xander were like brothers to me, which they are, and are looking after me while you're off at college, which they also are."

"So. Be honest. Are they playing nice?"

"Not at first. But when they realized I was playing them off against each other"

"Dawnie!"

"What. It was a part of my secret ploy. Get them to complain to each other about me, until they suddenly realize that they actually agree on stuff."

"That's really devious. I like it. But you should only use that power for good. And speaking of dad, do you think we should invite him or just try to meet with him on our own? I haven't seen him in almost four years, but he's still dad."

"It would be nice to see him together. I just don't know if he's really a part of what we do anymore."

"I'll have to think about it. But enough with the heavy thoughts. We'll have all kinds of goodies, and bad stuff aside, we have plenty to be thankful for. Like not getting sucked into a giant hole to hell by the Evilest Evil that ever Eviled."

"Yay to that. But we'll see how thankful everybody is after the dinner. I still hear horror stories from Xander about the last one."

"Hey! I cook plenty good. And I got all of Mom's old recipes from Aunt Arlene. Who is expecting you to come visit soon, by the way."

"Winter break. Which is gonna be ugly. Maybe I can get dad to work off the guilt with a shopping spree. Any more giant Lake Monsters?"

"Nah. Just the run of the mill. But Faith and I broke up a ring of car thieves. We were all detective-y. It was pretty"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Can you come back?"

"Things in Cleveland are pretty quiet, so I should be ready. Andrew wants to come too. How do you feel about that?"

"As long as he understands that come Holiday Dinner, the kitchen is mine."

"It's not even your kitchen!"

"So! I already got Angel to promise. I'm letting him do breakfast, so maybe Andrew can have desert. And then Xander can have somebody to pretend he isn't talking about comic books with."

"Hee. It'll be like old times. But, I think Kennedy and Rona will probably stay here to take care of things. Wouldn't want the Hellmouth to erupt when I'm out of town."

"And she's okay with you going off on your own. With a ton of impressionable teenaged girls."

"I know you don't like her, but she said it was okay for me to go."

"As long as you're finding happiness, it's okay. I know. I just don't want you rushing into things or committing yourself. It's okay for you to still miss Tara."

"And I always will, but I'm moving forward. What about you? Don't you have anybody?"

"A few dates, but that was more about chaperoning Faith. I don't really want or need anybody right now Willow."

"Aren't you lonely?"

"To tell the truth, not really. I've got school, the friends, Faith and slaying, and you guys. I can't just wrap myself up in a boyfriend and have it be all I want or need out of life - not that I'm necessarily saying it's what you do or that it's wrong for other people. But it's not me. I want to do a lot of things with my life. And my last few relationships got in the way of that."

"But Riley was so great for you. And didn't you love Spike."

"What they wanted for me isn't what I want my life to be. We weren't really happy together and we never would have been."

"But you were with them, and you had good times"

"Riley was a nice guy, and I had a good time with him, but that was all it was gonna be. What's a way of life for me, is just a job for him. Someday he wants to go back to the farm, and that's just not me. It was fine when we were first going out, but once things got serious there were problems that couldn't be fixed. We're better as friends." 

"And Spike?"

"I was lonely, and depressed, and he was there for me. And for a time, that was enough. But when I looked at my future, and what I want my life to be like, he just didn't fit. For three years Spike could barely let me out of his sight. He wanted a girl that could be as devoted to him as he was willing to devote himself to her. But that's not me. What I do now - the school, the friends, the work, the slaying - I can't be happy or full without all of it. And Spike could protest his love all he wanted but he wasn't okay with that. I like being busy and having my own stuff to do, and I want the people in my life to have their own stuff going on too."

"You've put thought into this"

"I have had a lot of time. What I went through with those guys it's not much different than what other people go through. Robin was like Faith's Riley, Carolyn has a Spike, and half the girls on campus have a Parker."

"Half the girls at UC-Sunndydale had THE Parker."

"Ouch!"

"You kind of set that up."

"I really did. I miss you."

"Yeah. You should come to Cleveland."

"I was thinking about waiting for when Dawnie goes on break. We could take a whole week instead of me just popping in for a weekend"  



	10. Snapshot 9

_Many of you come here with an impressive list of accomplishments and high expectations. That's good. But those expectations, and the desire to be perfect, can also create a great deal of pressure. I want you all to do well, to focus on classwork and performance. But the key to life, in my experience, is finding balance. Some of you will be tempted to consider outside activities as a distraction to your work - and they can be. But those same activities can also help your blow off steam, reduce the stress in your lives, and keep you refreshed when you turn your attention to your primary goals. I'm pompous enough to consider my class important, but it's not the be-all and end-all of your careers." _

It didn't take long to find a mentor. Three weeks into the semester, and Buffy was already a favorite of Professor Tierney. Maybe it was her remarkable familiarity with Operant Conditioning. Maybe it was her insight into the affect of abusive, distant or neglectful father figures on teen development. Not that she knew of any other kind. But most likely, it was the carefully edited stories about Maggie Walsh.

Apparently Dr. Tierney had gone through Harvard with her and they'd briefly dated, before Walsh's clinical attitude soured him. So they joked about the Evil Bitch Monster of Death and her pre-occupation with Pavlov, Skinner and Frankenstein, even if Buffy never told Dr. Tierney just how pre-occupied Maggie was.

_I so totally agree. Dr. Walsh was brilliant, but she was also a little deranged. Like you discussed, she was such the typical obsessive scientist. She was the type where she would get some idea in her head, and it was like nobody got in her way or challenged her. I think she took a liking to me because I stood up to her. Not that it kept her from trying to kill mein a metaphorical sense. Because Dr. Walsh would never actually order my death._

Dr. Tierney offered a bemused smile at Buffy, and then told her that he'd known very few people with as good a grasp on human behavior, yet as incapable of displaying any as Maggie Walsh. No wonder she and Doc T got along. It was hard not talking to him about all of her extracurricular activities... Although, she was starting to think about it. He reminded her a bit of Giles, sometimes. Kind eyes, gentle concern, and if she was right, was hiding a subversively mischievous streak. 

_"Once upon a time, I would have said "absolutely not". But I think you have to trust your instincts. And perhaps ask Willow or Riley to do a background check. He can't truly advise you or provide the services you'll eventually need from him if you can't be honest about your life... and that is not an accusation. I recall a painful adjustment period when you "came out" as the slayer to your mother. Certainly the timing was not auspicious - but it certainly improved your relationship. And we could certainly benefit professionally from the input of a trained psychologist. Indeed, that he would be newly introduced to the supernatural world might prove an asset. Regardless, if I've learned anything in my long life, it's that we can never have all the answers. And that we needn't ignore the advice others might give us. Even if it is an annoying teen, trying to meddle in my love life..."_

She knew Giles was probably right, but Buffy just wasn't ready to risk losing another mentor yet. What if she told her those dreams she wanted him to interpret were real events. He might think she was crazy or just want no part of her world. Plus, he'd asked her to lead one of the discussion groups, and she wanted to do well. She needed his time to discuss actual studies, instead of getting bogged down in mythology. Maybe it could wait until after finals.

On the other hand, she might be able to use his advice if she told him. Because Buffy Summers wasn't the only slayer on campus. She was just the only one who accepted it.

_I don't get it, Faith. Merrick took me out hunting one night and I just knew. I could feel things. I had this power, and I couldn't ignore it. Neither could you. It's not like we didn't try. Shouldn't it be like that for all of us. We can't have chosen someone that can't be reached._


	11. Snapshot 10

_"Remember the discussion on dream interpretation. Your dream was real. And I need to talk to you about it Yeah, B. That'll work."_

They'd followed Tracy Jackson enough to know that she was the slayer that the Coven identified. She was also a freshman journalism student who refused to believe anything the New York Times wouldn't print. They shared the Wednesday discussion session for Abnormal Psych, and Buffy tried to get Tracy's attention by recounting the details of one of the slayer dreams she and Faith had both recently had. A wince indicated it was familiar to Tracy, but she wouldn't comment. Later that week, Faith had seen the girl walk right past a Chaos Demon as if antlers dripping slime was a common occurence on the North Side. Buffy feared the girl might be exhibiting a degree of denial that would have put many Sunnydale residents to shame.

So Buffy spent two hours on the phone with Willow, and half-hour getting background information and deciding what to do.

Tracy Jackson, from Cambria, California. Member of the swimming team. Taking Dr. Tierney's class. Lives in the campus dorms. Exemplary High School transcript and no criminal record or hint of trouble. Still dating her high school boyfriend, Jimmy MacKenzie, who was also in her psychology class.

_"She's totally close minded. If I tried to talk to her, she'd just blow me off. Completely. I'm not used to that, but I figure you must be... No Wesley, that wasn't an insult. I just meant you must have been trained for dealing with this sort of thing. Still not an insult. Willow finds you ruggedly handsome, and she's gay. Does that make you feel better? So anyway, this girl is practically unapproachable. Right, the scythe. Because walking around campus with a shiny red axe will certainly get her to open up... ugh. What am I supposed to do, seduce her boyfriend and get him to do the talking thing for me? Oh."_

Buffy had talked to Jimmy a few times in discussion group. He seemed like a nice, normal kid, who was just concerned about his girlfriend. And he was a bit more open-minded about things. Meeting Buffy for lunch at Giordano's he continued the story. Something had happened with her at the end of the school year. Tracy never explained what it was, but something was different with her.

_"She gets these nightmares, and she barely sleeps. She was veg__an for three years, but now she eats ribs like nobody's business. We used to talk about everything, but now she's starting to get so closed off. It's funny. My parents warned me about going to the same school as her, like we were going to turn down Scholarships to one of the best schools in the country. But with this distance between us, maybe they were right. I can't tell whether she needs me more, or whether I should just let her go..."_

And Buffy wondered if that's what it was like for Hank back when she was still in LA. It didn't help that Jimmy had such familiar blue eyes or that same clueless concern. All issues on the side, Jimmy and Tracy seemed like nice kids, and he did want to help her. And Tracy would need friends of her own that could be there for her.

She'd have to find another way. It wasn't her place to tell Jimmy. That ultimately fell to Tracy. Instead she left him with a promise to see what she could do about getting Tracy to open up.

_"I think I know what your girlfriend was going through. It happens to the best of us. She's at a point in her life when she's finds herself changing and she doesn't know how to deal with it. And instead of facing herself, she's withdrawing. I don't think she really wants to shut you out. She's just scared and confused. I can't tell you what that means about your relationship. Just let her know that you are there for her, but try not to put pressure on her either. Hopefully, she'll get through it."_


	12. Snapshot 11

_Why don't you just set her up for a fight. Of course, you and Faith would be on hand to protect her if necessary, but let it be something she can't ignore. Then go ahead and explain things. It was one of the council methods for Slayers they hadn't raised. I know this isn't the brave new future generation you envisioned when you chose to empower all of the slayers, but it was one of the many consequences we had to take into account. Though I must admit, it's quite amusing to see you dealing with a recalcitrant slayer instead of me. You're complaining about a teen behaving just as you once did. I'd say it's both a sign of maturity and quite fitting cosmic payback. _

Tracy had gotten suspicious since Buffy and Jimmy had seemed so buddy-buddy. So when Buffy mentioned meeting for a study session one night in a coffee house, Tracy was naturally skeptical until Buffy reassured her that she was already bringing a date of hers along.

Short notice being what it was, Buffy brought Faith.

It was hard to hard to talk to one or the other, without being to obvious. But she figured that they could just stumble across some slayage. That would convince Tracy. Faith promised to play along, and keep the kid safe. To make matters more uncomfortable, Faith decided to have fun with the whole thing and was playing along a little too well.. Eventually, Buffy managed to drag herself away from Faith and lure Tracy outside for a smoke break - an unpleasant activity that brought up some awful associations.

That's when the demons attacked. Buffy'd brought along her trusty axe-thingy, conveniently stashed behind a dumpster, and very quickly began initiating a shocked Tracy into the supernatural world. Hearing noises Jimmy ran into the alley, followed by Faith. At which point, a second wave of demons arrived. Jimmy stood slack-jawed as his diminutive girlfriend tossed a line-backer sized beast across the alley, Faith knifed a second, and Buffy staked and chopped a third and fourth. Demons defeated, Jimmy and Tracy collapsed to the street as the inital suprise wore off and shock set in. Faith rolled her eyes, as Buffy went into speech mode.

_Monsters are real. Vampires. Demons. Forces of darkness. And into every generation, there are the chosen ones Okay, I'm tired of giving big speeches. Basically, we're Slayers. Strength and skills to protect the world from unspeakable evil... and Tracy is one of us."_

Dealing with Jimmy and Tracy became a major hassle. Tracy would admit that the supernatural was real and that she had special powers that enabled her to fight. But she refused to do anything about it, beyond learning basic self-defense. Learning that she was one of many didn't help. Chicago already had Buffy and Faith. Tracy wanted to just do her schoolwork. No patrols. No hunting. No helping out. Period.

_"I'm glad you, Faith, and however many others are all "yay" to the sisterhood. You seem to have a handle on things here, so you don't need me. And I don't want any part of this! I don't want to be a freak! I don't like that I have to be extra careful not to break bottles when I hold them. I hate having to sandbag my swimming so I don't get pulled aside every week by the NCAA for drug testing! I hate getting my sleep interrupted by flaming nightmares! I'm a pacifist vegan - I hate the idea that I'm supposed to be fighting for my life and I hate craving meat! I hate that Jimmy got dragged into this! I hate knowing that the monsters under the bed are real! I came to college to become a newswoman. And this - I didn't ask for it - I don't want it to be my world. It can't be!"_

Jimmy, on the other hand, wouldn't leave them alone. He couldn't let go of his images of families crying over lost children or loved ones, and he was adamant about helping out. He started with training, and surprised both slayers by displaying aptitude and abilities far beyond their expectations. While Buffy got along with him easily, Jimmy quickly got on Faith's nerves, following her on patrols, and even interrupting one of her dates with Eddie because he wanted to go hunting.

At least he hadn't gotten himself killed. Despite a wiry frame, he'd proven to be pretty resilient. Although it wouldn't matter much if Faith gave him that whoopin' she kept threatening. He was supposed to be Tracy's sidekick. The sooner she dealt with her destiny, the sooner Jimmy was out of Faith's hair, and the easier life would get.

After a conference call with Willow, Giles, and Wesley, and some arguing with an incredulous Faith, Buffy had arrived at a solution. It wasn't her first choice. Probably wasn't the best of ideas. And a lot of people would hate her for it - including herself. But given the circumstances, and Buffy's intuition, it seemed as good an idea as any other.

Buffy met Tracy to present her offer...

_"Being chosen as a Slayer is an honor Tracy. If you don't want to accept the mantle and help out your fellow citizens, I guess I can't make you. But since you're so worried, I thought I'd offer you a deal. If you'd like, I can make it so you're just like a regular girl. Like you used to be. Like you aren't a slayer. No super strength for you. Just regular Tracy. Would you like to try that back on? To be a normal girl?"_


	13. Discussions Among Slayers

"So Tracy, what do you think of being a normal girl now?" 

"The Hell I'm a normal girl, Buffy! Normal girls go about their business. They go to class, or school, or swimming practice. They don't get ambushed by vampires twice in the same week. If you, Jimmy and Faith hadn't been there, I would have been dead!"

"Well, guess what twinkie? That's a normal girl."

"What!"

"Like I told you Tracy, I could give you the chance to be a normal girl again. Of course, the world is full of demons and monsters, and whether or not you're a slayer - the monsters will still be there."

"The question is, what are you going to do."

"Nothing. I don't wanna be a part of this!"

"Really? People like you piss me off. Do you know how lucky you are?"

"No Faith I don't. From where I sit, my life got ruined because you girls decided to make me a freak!"

"And now there are dozens of slayers to defend humanity instead of one or two. Not seeing the bad here."

"That's beside the point, Faith. Remember what it felt like tonight, Tracy. How scary it was. That's how it is for just about everybody on the planet. Hiding under the pillow won't make it go away."

"It's not just that Buffy. Am I supposed to be sorry that Tracy feels inconvenienced? I don't. The two of you had things I never did: good parents, a nice home, a college acceptance letter, and prospects for a decent future. I grew up with nothing, I dropped out of school, and I had to run from vampires before I was ever a slayer. I'm lucky enough to be alive now. And I'm out here fighting, so that rich bitches like you can go about your merry way without sparing a thought to us little people who don't have the luxuries you do."

"Faith!"

"No B. Let me finish. You think we're the only people who know about or fight vampires. I wasn't in Boston. A good friend of mine in LA has been fighting them on the streets long before he knew what a slayer was. And I could take you to some of the neighborhoods on the South Side that you're probably too afraid to go to, slayer or not, and I'll show you regular people banding together to protect their families and their turf. So what's you're problem, Trace. Too good for us?"

  
"No. It's not like that."

  
"You not wanting to face the monsters doesn't mean other people won't have to. Get it through your skull - the monsters only go away if you make them! And while you're hiding away, they're snacking on people."

"You don't get it Faith! You live for this stuff. I don't."

"It's okay to be scared. I understand that. Once upon a time I was just a cheerleader, and the only thing I had to worry about was which boy I would let take me to a dance. Then a weird old guy told me that I was the world's only defense against the forces of hell. I lost all my friends, I got kicked out of school, my parents split up, and I had to move. I thought I'd lost everything."

"So, tell me Buffy, please tell me, why should I want a part of this?"

"Because I'm still here. And so is the world. Look at me: I have friends. I have people I love, and that love me. And I went from being an airhead, to somebody who's made a difference. And I'm in college and I've got as much of a future as I could have ever hoped. My life, has on occasion, sucked beyond the telling of it - but I wouldn't trade it. Listen, I'm not asking you to give up dreaming about the Pulitzer. You aren't the only slayer. You've got me and Faith."

"And me!"

"And Jimmy. Faith and I thought we were alone in the world. But you'll never have that. We're here for you. And we have more friends. There are slayers in a bunch of different cities. We can take turns. The world doesn't rest on your shoulders. I'm just asking you to do your part."

"It's just...I didn't want to know this. I liked my life, how it was going to be. Maybe I was ignorant, but I was happy. And I'm never going to have that back."

"You're probably not. We all...well maybe not Faith...but most of us can look back on an easier time. Ignorance can be bliss, but you aren't ignorant anymore. You aren't going to get your innocence back, and you'll have to learn to adjust and deal. The world as you see it now can be a hard and ugly place...but you have the power to make it a little bit brighter. I don't know much about how or why one girl or another gets chosen. But they never choose wrong."

"That's how it is. Whatever picked you, it saw something special. I'm not saying we're better than anybody else, because I sure as hell ain't. But you are good enough for this. And you have a chance to know that you matter."

"Jimmy? You aren't freaked out?"

"Of course I'm freaked out. But, you know how I feel Tracy. Faith and Buffy are right. We're lucky. All of us. We have a nice, beautiful, wonderful world. Remember when we went swimming at the cove, or skiing in Tahoe. Watching my little sister play softball. Going down to Navy Pier, playing in the arcades. Ever since I learned that monsters were real, I've been having nightmares, where the sky's in flames or it's eternal night, or there are demons and monsters killing children... And I can't stand here knowing it might happen, and do nothing - not if I can do something to stop it. Remember when we talked about college, and you said you wanted to be journalist so you could fight injustice. This might not be sweatshops and child labor..."

"Actually Jimmy..."

"Let me finish, Buffy. Tracy - don't turn your back on the truth just because you're afraid. You wouldn't be the girl I love if you did."

"But it doesn't matter anymore. They made me a regular girl. I can't slay like that."

"That's not true Tracy. The mystical compound we injected you with - it'll wear off. You'll be fine in a day. And we can take you out for a patrol. Let me tell you a story about something called Cruciamentum..."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Well that went well..."

"It did. I still don't like you're idea, but it worked."

"Are you okay, Faith? Is that what you really felt about me?"

"Once upon a time, yeah. But things change, and people grow up. I remember the first time somebody really thanked me. It was just some dumb girl who'd been lured into an alley, but it was the first time in my life, when I wasn't trying hard to be badass, that I really felt like a somebody. That I'd been given the power for a reason. I'd never thought I'd amount to anything good - so being the slayer was everything for me. It's hard to watch other people run so hard from it."

"It's hard for me to talk to her too. I didn't want to do this to her - I completely remember every complaint I had, and I sympathize with her. But it just seemed so selfish. As much as I've hated being the slayer, I can't ignore that pesky sense of duty."

"Took me a long time to find that part."

"For what it's worth, you've more than proven yourself to me."

"Yeah. But that's never really who we need to prove it to, is it? So how'd you know she'd listen?"

"Because I have to believe in her. I can't let myself believe any of these callings are mistakes... Besides, I'd talked to Jimmy, and I knew that he believed in her too, and that he'd be there for her. And because I'd remembered what Cruciamentum meant to me."

"I never had that. And I think I may have very seriously hurt any watcher who tried that on me."

"I was angry, but in the long run, I learned from it. I'll never understand why the Council did it, or why they chose to keep it secret."

"Probably to kill off slayers like you. Or to bust up your team with Giles."

"What I do think, is that it's not a bad idea. I think we should continue it, only this time, it'll be voluntary for the girls."

"Why, B? Most of them are already cool with the gig.'

"But that's not the point. You saw what it did for Tracy. It motivates people, reminds them why they fight. Or, what if we have to fight something way stronger than a slayer, which has happened. Or training for if you're sick or weak, and still need to defend yourself."

"I get that B. Any other reasons?"

"Tacy reminds me of me. Seeing Tracy like that. It reminded me how much I hated being the slayer, but how much better my life was for being called. But also that being the slayer wasn't all I was. You saw how Jimmy was there for her, reminding her that being the slayer was just another way for her to be Tracy, only a better Tracy. Tonight he kind of reminded me of Angel..."

"Really? How so?"

"When I had mine, and I was afraid I wasn't the slayer anymore. My friends in Sunnydale - they only knew the Buffy who was already the slayer. They'd never seen the ignorant, self-absorbed girl I was, with the phony friends and the shallow life. I was so afraid that I wasn't anything if not the slayer. All they saw was how cool it would be for me if I could give it up. But Angel, he talked me through it. He knew me best - knew more than anyone how much being the slayer cost me, but more importantly he also knew how much it gave me too. And he knew the parts of me I was most afraid of. And he helped me understand that it was the Buffy in me that made me a good person, and that slaying just helped bring it out. That, whether I'd be the slayer or not, I was a good person and worth friendships. And he helped me be a better friend, and to see why it was important for me to fight the good fight, whether I got anything out of it or not."

"He did some of that for me too."

"he's done good for a lot of people."

"Yeah. So that Jimmy...you think he's a good kid."

"He's good for Tracy. Except for the part where he's a little too swayed by all the pretty girls around him."

"That's because he's a guy. He'll get over it."

"You had that talk with him, huh?"

"I think he was just up with the hero worship. That and we kind of insinuated I was a bisexual superslut, and that gives even the nicest boys the naughty thoughts. But he's really into Tracy, and he gets that I'm with Eddie."

"Yeah. Closing in on six weeks now. Are you going to ask him to come to LA for Thanksgiving?"

"Don't know. Might have to spill the beans on the family business."

"How do you think he'd take it?"

"I'm sure he has some questions already. It's not like I can completely hide how zesty I can be, or that I can dead-lift three-fifty without breathing hard."

"Well he's a personal trainer for pro-athletes. Maybe you can tell him we're super-duper competitors in an Olympic Sport he's not familiar with."

"Right B. We could round up the girl scouts and he could gear us up to take over the X-Games."

"Ewww!"

"I forget. Sunnydale estrogen brigade not so big on the ESPN."

"Oh. Those X-Games. No, not so much our thing."

"So. With all these deep thoughts, you ready for the big LA meeting over Thanksgiving?"

"It's getting to be that time. I've put off really discussing long term structure because we've been so busy locating watchers and slayers, but yeah, that discussion's overdue."

"I was talking about the next installment of the Buffy and Angel show."

"Hey! Just because we'll be in the same space for a weekend, doesn't mean there's going to be a 'Buffy and Angel show' for your viewing pleasure. Do you guys think that's all we are?"

"Calm down, B. I'm just yankin' your chain. I may have been out of the picture for a while, but when the two of you are in the same room together everybody else tends to get turned into spectators."

"That's not my fault. Everybody wanted me to make the decisions about what to do over the summer, and Angel had all the resources..."

"And it was only natural that you two took over the discussions. But, not what I meant. When you guys are around each other, you hardly notice anybody else."

"We're not together like that, if that's what you're suggesting."

"Of course not. We'll just have to see how Thanksgiving goes then, won't we."


	14. Snapshot 12

_"Since I got here ahead of y'all, I talked to Mr. Angel about what you'd wanted and set up a list of chores for all the menfolk. The kitchen's already stocked up so just let me know when you're ready and we can get started." _

While part of Buffy cringed at thinking like fifties-girl, at least one part of her rejoiced at the idea of doing such a stereotypical female thing as cooking a dinner while the guys were all hunting down food and doing work to ready the hotel. Cooking for forty, there were chores for everyone. Willow quietly rejoiced that this Buffy seemed so much less manic. Fred and Sam Finn just tried to be helpful, while Andrew moved to the other side and worked on preparing some of Anya's favorite pies. Buffy supervised the operation, periodically barking orders, checking on the turkeys, and ensuring that there was a batch of mushy peas for Giles. And making sure Dawn followed the recipes to the letter - because peanut butter turkey stuffing was just plain wrong.

But as far as Buffy was concerned, the real champ was Trish Burkle. Having Trish, certified mom and veteran of Texas-sized family gatherings, around as a calming influence amidst the Industrial Sized Kitchen-y chaos brought back a familiar and much-missed comfort all-of its own.

Angel drifted in and out, nervous about having so many faces operating his kitchen, and offering to help. And sighing in amusement when he noticed Willow hovering over the cookie trays.

_"Willow's been all taskmastery with the new slayers in Cleveland, and making the with the Chocolate Chip cookie trays is just her way. I'm fairly certain she's not trying to send you any secret messages. It's nice to have everybody together, and be a part of something that isn't about death. Plus, this time around we'll actually get to spend a real Thanksgiving Day together celebrating our miraculous good fortune. We should have done this years ago."_

She noticed the cringe, though unaware of his missing son or a Thanksgiving that never was. On the other hand, she did notice the uneasy glances directed at the unfamiliar slayers and Tracy in particular. Considering his pensive expression, Buffy wondered briefly if he thought he knew her from somewhere, but dismissed the idea. Angel's cases wouldn't have taken him to Cambria - that was even farther up the coast than Sunnydale.

Otherwise, Buffy was glad to see that folks were mingling more. Giles, Wesley, and Robin talked over in the offices with some of the newer watchers. Lorne and several of the girls were animatedly discussing fashion and pop stars in one corner, while Riley, Roger, Gunn, Faith, and Eddie were watching football games on a big screen TV they'd brought into the lobby. Anne, Xander, and some of the kids from the shelter set up the long tables and started setting places. 

_"You did good, Buffster. And I'm not just saying that because it's my first home-cooked meal in years. Deadboy's pulled together a pretty good group of people here, and maybe it was a mistake for all of us to try to keep things so separate between Sunnydale and LA. But if you tell him I said anything nice, I'll show everybody those pictures Dawn got when I took her by your dad's house last week."_

There was plenty of blame to go around on that score. Supposedly, things would be easier if they kept their distance and tried to forget. And their friends had been pretty solidly behind that plan - not that it had worked all that well for either of them emotionally, or professionally. If the last years had taught her anything, it was that Angel and Buffy, and their teams, were more powerful working together than alone, and it wasn't fair to the people they wanted to help out if relationship issues got in the way of doing their best. 

But whatever future Buffy and Angel might have as Buffy and Angel was very much still in the future. There were a lot of reasons he left Sunnydale, a lot of reasons she let him go, and enough of those reasons hadn't just disappeared. There was a Gypsy curse to think about, some very serious questions about what sort of future she really wanted, and whether it was even possible to have it with Angel. Plus, the time in Chicago was really important to her, and there were two more years - minimum - and she wanted to get the most out of it. Assuming she wanted to come back, would he still There was a lot she didn't know.

But what she did know, was that the lights still dimmed. And that the loneliness, the burden of their own expectations, the sense of duty and responsibility, the doubts about their own worthiness, and the need to be someone - that the things that formed the basis for their kinship were still there for both of them. And she knew that she missed him.

So certain frustrating topics would have to stay off the table for the time being, but the not talking to each other crap had to stop. They could be "just friends", especially with half a continent and four years of separation between them.

_"It's not like Faith doesn't tell me how often you call and ask her how I'm doing. Or that I can only get so much about you second hand from Wesley, Xander, and Dawn. Maybe we should be talking more than shop. We used to, and it was pretty nice as I dimly recall. And while I think I have a pleasant phone voice, I'm not such a sparkling conversationalist as to make you too happy, am I? Right now, it's all we can have, but it's better than what it was."_  



	15. Snapshot 13

**A.N.** - behold, after a lengthy delay.

_"Dinner went really well. Sure, there was that part where you got all cranky-slayer when Faith and Xander joined in on that little food fight and turned it into World War III, and you felt like they were wasting all that hard work in the kitchen. But I guess that's what happens when you get a large group of teenagers together, line up long tables and benches, and expect them to look to people that still call themselves "scoobies" as authority figures. It was like high school all over again, only without poisoned jello or hot dog surprise, and sure you'll probably never get the cranberry stains out of your blouse, but you can't tell me it wasn't worth just for the image of Angel trying to pretend he wasn't freaked out by the garlic mashed potatoes that got stuck in his hair. Words cannot describe" _

Buffy really missed a good Willow babble-fest, and she missed being able to be silly. For a brief moment, Buffy had imagined smooshing the lemon crème pie across Giles' face, before thoughts of how this was not the orderly thanksgiving dinner she wanted held her back. It was scary how uptight it made Buffy feel, but she comforted herself with certainty that she would have done it to Principal Snyder...

After dinner, after cleanup, and after the giddiness had faded, story-swapping gave way to the more serious discussions about the future of the Slayers. Somewhere along the line, somebody had brought up the old "Slayer Handbook" at which point Riley asked to see a new one...

_"You'll make fun of me for this, but I've still got a copy of my Boy Scout handbook stashed somewhere. The old rules don't apply, but that doesn't mean these new slayers shouldn't have access to some useful guidelines. After all these years with Buffy, haven't you basically been redefining what it means to be a slayer? I don't know how many you've located, but it was clear to me this summer that a lot of these gals could really benefit from some of your collective wisdom. So could the folks you'll be asking to help out these slayers, and the folks who'll be doing this a hundred years from now."_

He was met with much in the way of blank stares and the smacking of foreheads. There were certainly times when Buffy had wished for the wisdom of the past slayers to guide her. These new slayers couldn't be expected to learn years' worth of lessons on their own, and the new generations of Watchers shouldn't be expected or even entrusted to have all the answers either. Buffy had benefited immensely by breaking with tradition and forming a loyal support group, and had been fortunate to land an understanding and capable watcher in Giles. Drawing up a new handbook, filled with advice for the modern slayer could be the start of a new legacy for the new slayers.

An even bigger surprise, Dawn was selected to produce the first draft. As she'd pointed out, the individual slayers were too busy actually slaying and trying to reestablish lives to do the bulk of the work, and both Wesley and Giles were both "too British" and too heavily ingrained in Council practice to write anything a teenage girl would want to read. 'Junior Watcher' Dawn, however, had copious free time, actual writing talent, some detachment, and knew the potentials who'd wind up reading it far better than anybody else. Plus, she'd just finished the constitutional convention section of her US Government class, and seemed to have some general ideas for organizing the book.

_"You know we're only entrusting you with this totally cherry job because you have a better memory of my High School diary than I do. Okay - and you understand the "teenage girl struggling to fit in when she realizes she's different" thing too. Now remember, you've got a big list of interviews to conduct, and we're going to have to review it when you're done. Oh, and you should probably write something for the watchers too. 'Cause it's not really about slaying - it should be about living the life. I'll even answer annoying personal questions, but I'm doing it for all the girls and not because I feel bad abandoning my baby sister. Just make sure this doesn't interfere with your grades, Brainy Smurf."_

The Handbook was hardly the only issue that needed to be worked upon. While most everybody agreed the Council of Watchers was a dinosaur, it served useful functions and something needed to be done to meet the slayers' needs. Namely, they'd need to form a new organization to maintain the legacy of the Slayer and aid in her fight for succeeding generations. They'd tentatively agreed to name the new institution the Slayers' Council to reflect the nascent organization's primary mission statement - to support slayers in the effort to protect the world against supernatural threats. The basic structure involved setting up some divisions, headed by a board of directors, and ultimately run by an elective chairperson. Buffy drifted off when the discussion turned further toward Organizational detail. While her input would be useful, this was exactly the sort of work that "Big Picture Buffy" wanted to delegate away.

_"As you know, the First Evil destroyed Council headquarters and most of the leadership, but the old Council was much more extensive and resilient than we thought. With the help of the Devon coven, I seem to have located much of the scattered remnants, and have made progress toward gaining legal control over the surviving council assets. Which is a most fortuitous, as this new undertaking will require significant financing."_

They'd asked Giles to be the chairman for a few years. In the long run, if the council was supposed to be working for the slayers, it should probably be run by one, but Buffy had argued that they we still too young for that sort of responsibility. As long as he understood that he was there for all the slayers, and that Faith would personally "swim to England and have his ass for grass" if he pulled any funny business. Giles accepted, noting that this would hopefully be probably safer for him than a field assignment, giving him the chance to settle down and find a girlfriend before he took one too many knocks on the head.

_"The whole debate reminded me of that conversation Robin, Eddie, and Gunn kept having over why Michael Jordan got fired. I think Giles has the right idea about this organization being run by a Slayer. But I'm twenty-two, and while I like the idea of having control over the council and want my ideas to be heard, I'm tired of being responsibility-girl, and I'm pretty sure I'm not needed to be. And I think I need to experience more of my life first, because the things that make me good as the slayer aren't the things I'd need to be good at this job. And who ever is running the council has to do it everyday, but I should still be out there. You know?_

_Maybe in a few years - I seem to be saying that to you a lot, don't I - anyway, we'll see if I feel more ready. I can't really imagine entrusting it to one of the other slayers either, because I'm so used to being the leader, but maybe that's something else I need to learn. Although the idea of taking orders from Kennedy gives me the wiggins. I'll have to think more about that later I still can't believe that somebody put you in charge of a law firm!_

_Anyway, I think Faith and I are going to need to get a watcher of out own in Chicago pretty soon. We do what we can with the research, and keeping up on local stuff, but we spend way too much time on the phone with Willow and Giles, and you've been telling us to "get a Wesley of our own" because we've been using your Wesley way too much. And Buffy's brain just went to a very 'Smallville' place_

_But we don't need a Giles. We just need somebody who can do research, keep up on local issues, do paperwork, knows a little magic, but can otherwise take care of themselves and has their own life. Okay, so I want a Giles. But I'll take the next best thing, I guess."_

They were still using the term 'Watchers'. None of the slayers particularly liked the term, and several thought it sounded downright 'ooky', but no one had been able to come up with a suitable alternative that accurately described the jobs they'd be asked to fill. Quite unlike 'Slayer' which pretty accurately described the job, even if some problems called for more metaphorical forms of slayage.

There was still the problem of losing much of the council's knowledge base regarding the Slayer herself. Although Buffy had grown to consider some of it dubious anyway, there was clearly a need to learn more about what, precisely, a slayer was and what she was capable of.

_"What are your mental and physical capabilities? And how different are slayers from regular folk, and how much of that is mystical? See there's all kinds of tests and studies I'd do. Bloodwork, DNA, biochemistry, personality diagnostics, endurance, nutrition and sleep studies. All kinds of things. And maybe we could do some workplace studies - weapon ergonomics, better clothing to fit your needs_

_Cause, really, how much do you actually know? I'm just thinking' - 'what if I was a slayer? I'd want to learn so much more about my self, cause I'd need to be able to know what I can do if I have to. And these girls are gonna be curious. What do you plan on saying to families, because you can't expect them to keep it secret forever. " _

That sparked another series of long discussions as Wesley brought up the tests the council made Buffy and Faith go through, while Riley had some more suggestions for personality tests and some of the endurance tests he'd gone through with the army. Before Fred could get carried away, the group decided to break off discussion and get some rest.

_"I think we laid enough groundwork for one evening, and it's time for some quality post-holiday snoozing. And maybe after Dawn and I go see my father, we can actually get to spend a few hours watching cheesy movies, eating snacks and just catching up with my Xander-shaped friend - can't remember the last time that happened. You can tell me about all the big fun you've been up to in my old hometown."_  



	16. Snapshot 14

_"Well, I'm glad you seem to be doing well. I don't know if there's really anything I can say. I guess. I know I haven't been there for you and Dawn, but I do want to try. But, I'm not going to push - you're obviously able to take care of things and I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or adding It's just If you ever want to talk or anything, I don't want to not be there anymore"_

They'd met for lunch on the pier out toward Long Beach, and while Dawn was around, conversation flowed as lightly as she'd remembered from her early teens. But then Dawn had gone off to look in the nearby shops, leaving Buffy and Hank to talk alone.

The Dawn-sponsored attempts at bonding were pretty stilted, Buffy offering up a few details about Northwestern while Hank commented on his past trips to Chicago. Mostly, they just stood silently, watching the gulls and listening to the surf crash - each imagining a time when a smiling Joyce packed a picnic basket and watched a toddling Dawn, while Buffy and Celia played in the sand.

Surprisingly, he didn't offer to buy her shoes or stuffed animals as she might have once expected him to, and he didn't try to force her to talk to him. It was awkward, but not altogether unpleasant; when an exuberant Dawn came back they mentioned the possibility of meeting again the next time she came back to town.

_"I want to be able to talk to him, because he'll always be my father and I love him. But it's going to be hard, because we just don't know each other anymore. And before you ask, Dawn, we're not going to fill him in. It's just - he wasn't there. And I don't think he gets to be included in this part of our lives."_

Dawn didn't need Buffy to elaborate. She'd remembered being "not included" along with their mother back when Buffy was still in High School, and she understood Buffy's reasoning even if she didn't agree. Unlike Buffy, Dawn still felt like the girl Hank remembered, and once she'd decided to push past her anger at his absence they'd been able to find some degree of connection. Dawn doubted it would ever be comfortable for Buffy.

Socializing with Xander and Willow had been much easier. Without the pressures of imminent apocalypses, and a large team of slayers standing by, they fell back into the old rhythm. Buffy laid out the selection of eighties flicks, while Xander took his customary place behind the girls and began playing with Willow's hair. For a few moments, they could watch "The Goonies" and remember a just being a group of kids forming a makeshift family of their own.

_"Do you remember when we used to be that excited to hang out together? When did we get so old? Because honestly - somewhere along the line, I think I turned into Schneider. Fix the sink, look in on Barbara, and go trundling off to wherever repairmen hide. We're 22 - we shouldn't have been feeling like we're middle-aged."_

The first month in LA had proven hardest for Xander. Like the roaches he often though they were, the Harris clan had survived Sunnydale, and the reunion had not been pleasant. His home was gone and so was Anya, and Willow and Buffy were off to the Midwest, leaving him to face an uncertain future without his touchstones. And he often felt out of place among the Fang Gang.

But both Dawn and Angel had, in their own ways, worked to remind Xander that the end of Sunnydale wasn't the end of Xander, and that he still had a long future to think about. Monocular vision proved to be far less an obstacle in construction management than he'd feared, and leading his own crew helped in more ways than one. More recently had taken to helping out Anne down at the teen shelter. Slowly, he was finding his own place in the world. He'd signed up for a writing course, and his comments about putting together a screenplay had gotten more and more serious. Andrew wasn't going to be official storyteller - he hadn't been there to see

An assessment Willow agreed with completely. In Cleveland, Willow found joy in getting to teach again. It wasn't about showing how much she could do, proving she was worthwhile and earning praise from her parents, or respect from Buffy and Giles. It was about getting a chance to engage her mind and problem solving abilities, and make valuable contributions to a cause she'd come to believe deeply in, and genuinely helping others achieve their best. It was about Willow learning to live with Willow.

_"We're not old. We just got so bogged down in our responsibilities and trying to be grownups for a while that we all sort of stopped 'living' for awhile. I think we all just needed to change the scenery, meet new people, and find things to get excited about again."_

And as the DC-10 taxied down the runway, Buffy considered how much she had to be excited about. She was still the slayer - she always would be - but looking back at the past weekend she could finally feel like she wasn't just struggling not to drown. They were really working toward building something new and better. The new slayers were learning to adjust far better than she'd hoped, and she and her friends were finally getting their lives back on track. She'd finally gotten a chance to spend time with friends without the specter of an Apocalypse, and they'd found their relationships frayed but still intact. Willow and Xander were joking again and they'd shared their first honest laughs in too long to count. 

Beside her, Tracy was grilling Eddie about various training regimen while an annoyed Faith tried to sleep. A Tracy who'd accepted what she was, but hadn't forgotten the life she'd hoped to make for herself. A Faith who didn't seem to need to prove she was a person who deserved affection and respectanymore, because she was too busy being that person to worry about it.

Perhaps, they'd find some more of the answers to questions about herself she hadn't taken the time - or maybe was just too afraid of - to ask. Certainly, Buffy knew that she could still fight when she wasn't sleeping, or when she was too depressed over her mother's death to eat properly. But she'd have the chance to actually study her capabilities with someone who didn't see her as a mystical savior or a misfit of science just because she could lift more or heal faster than 'normal' people. And if Eddie could find a new training or nutrition program to make her a healthier and better slayer, she was all for it. She was a California girl, and no stranger to fad diets.

Willow, Wesley and Giles had promised to find her little Chicago team a suitable watcher to help with research and their miscellaneous needs. So maybe she'd even have time to pursue and internship or a research assistantship with Dr. Tierney. Or she could just hang out and go to parties, and be a girl. Whatever.

_"When I said I hadn't finished baking, it was pretty true. But we never really do. Finish baking. __But that's what life is. Taking raw cookie dough, and trying to bake it into delicious cookies. I think I've lined up some tasty ingredients, and I've got a recipe. So it's back into the oven for Buffy. And it's nice and warm. Well, metaphorically warm, because Chicago is freakishly cold._

_I've always had ideas about what sort of life I've wanted me and my friends to have a chance at. And, I'm finally starting to feel again like it's possible that I can make it happen for real. I've missed feeling that for far too long. It's hope, and it's what makes us alive."_  


**A.N.:** So that's my conclusion. Apologies for the delay.


End file.
